Dear Ilana

Dear Ilana,

We talked – you told me you checked my blog once and a while and said you disliked the entire – no new content thing. We joked that I would title the next post, Dear Ilana. Here we are.

You told me to make it a dad blog. A blog dedicated to things that happen to dads that I could make funny. I don’t think that anything that is going to happen will be completely original – Something that has never happened before. Would it just be a bunch of jokes that would fall flat and end up being a bunch of “you had to be there” moments?

You asked me who my audience is. I said I never really thought about it. I just enjoyed laughing about things. The more I thought about it, Hanni was right. I made a blog because I thought I wanted attention. I mean – there was a baby coming – It’s pretty understandable.

Another thing that gives me pause is – how real should it be? I feel like the only way to write something that would be interesting would be by making it real. I didn’t want people thinking fatherhood is the equivalent of a  “Facebook night out”- just pictures of me and my son having fun and just ignoring all of the raw emotions and hardships that follow along with being a parent. I guess I could write that and then people would say I was sharing too much information. I guess I will try to toe the line and see where that gets me.

Before I start with the dad blog stuff – the people with attitude at stores that think I know If I should swipe or insert my ATM card because I have a chip in it needs to stop. I do not think I have every thought of a more first world problem in my entire life. I’m 30 and did not get the memo for this new chip thing. Half the stores I go to have the chip thing and it doesn’t work. Sometimes I have to push my card in so hard that I think I am going to break it. Just because the person at Target knows that I have to swipe instead of insert my card because the machine is broken does not make me also know what the hell is going on.

Fun – Being a dad got me into the picture below. Just one man, washing and drying a car seat with a hand dryer at the O’hare Marriott. Being a rookie dad for three months has taught me that there is no more embarrassing moments. Only moments that have to get done and if anyone looks at you like you’re crazy – they might be right or they don’t understand the things that you would do for a child.



Real – is for the next post.



let us do this

Trust : Not checking the Ashley Madison hacked info for your significant other email address. I have not. I did try to just look up what Illinois politicians were on that list but could not find it with one search and gave up because I really did not care.


I like this song. It only took my three times, while half listening to the actual words to realize that this guy was not actually dating a cheerleader. I think this had something to do with me trying to watch Heroes on Netflix for the first time and me picturing the cheerleader whenever this song came on. Save the cheerleader. Save the world! The one thing that bothers me about this song is the line about the genie. “She grants my wishes like a genie in a bottle.” Rule 1 when dealing with genies – they grant wishes when you take them out of the bottle – like when you rub the bottle? But then I thought, OMI isn’t a musical talent, he really hates his genie. He only used two of his wishes – dating an awesome girl, that now acts as his FIGURATIVE cheerleader, and recorded a hit song that has over 120 million views. There is only one thing to do. Prison break OMI’s genie in a bottle. Save the genie. Save the world!

Music 2: Don’t base how awesome your company/relationship is on how both of you feel when you’re both on drugs. At one point, you might have to talk to each other, you know, when the drugs start to wear off. And if you asked me, I would want to feel my face. No one has ever said “Hey, I just had this root canal and I can not feel my face – I wonder what Tiffany is up to because this would be the best time for us to make out.”

Instead – just go old school and stick with the legs.

Talking about trust and Ashley Madison fidelity issues. Hanni brought up a really good point about this song. If you are with someone and out to a bar with a person that is not your wife and one drink can take you from going home versus cheating on your wife, maybe you should not be with your partner?

I have plans for topics to write posts on but welcome suggestions!


Can you set the oven to 375?


I asked my wife, Hanni, if I should write a blog. She turned to me and said, “can you preheat the oven to 375”. The next ten minutes was me thinking about titles.

This is me –  a 29 year old – husband – soon to be father  – living in Evanston. I drive over two hours a day for work and readily admit I have not understood a single word of True Detective for two seasons. I had to read a blog to see who shot Tim Riggins! I hate wearing a tie. I am coming to the reality that I can no longer eat whatever I want and will probably never get into an exercise routine. I was sworn off from running by a friend because she has “lost” too many friends from the addiction that is running. I wear what I want, and I thank my wife for allowing that to happen. I work with children and am envious of the way they can speak their mind and think an eternity of two weeks.

I am not the best writer on the planet. I would not even say I come close. I would write these Facebook posts and people would comment that I used a comma in the wrong place or used some form of punctuation in an incorrect manner. I never really cared to have perfect grammar. I was trying to write the way I thought. The way my inner-monologue would speak to me. I was more concerned of getting the message across than worrying about how it was getting across.

I have had multiple people tell me over the years that I should do stand-up or write a blog. I never really thought I was funny enough for stand-up or talented enough to write for a living, so I never did. I still have hard time believing anyone would really care what I wrote. I just texted a friend to double check she thought this was a good idea. She is a parent, so I am expecting a text at 5 am.

Most of my material now revolves around driving, baby shopping, and my wife watching awful Bravo shows. I realized that a lot of what was going on in my life was not about me. I wonder if that is why, in such an amazing time in my life, I felt like I was in a complete slump. I don’t think I am really spending enough time on myself. I am assuming that me-time is only going to get more scarce in September.

So, here it goes. I will write a few posts and see where it goes from there.